Aselin

Years ago I stood in front of a large crowd at the Ventura County Fair, in the process of vying for the title of Miss Ventura County. Clad in my hot-pink ball gown, and dyed-to-match hot pink heels I strode out for my shot at the question portion of the competition.

This was my favorite portion of the show. I’ve always had an opinion, and as evidenced by my writing this blog, I like to share it. So as I crossed the stage the emcee announced my arrival “And next we have Razzlin’, Dazzlin’, Aselin!” Quite the introduction. I’ve tried to get Hubby to call me that, but he just won’t oblige me.

So there I stand, more comfortable than I had been all night. I was not in a swimsuit and heels wobbling down the runway. I was not trying to coordinate my kicks with the other contestants in an ill-fated kick line. Nope, I was in my element.

I’m all smiles as the emcee draws out a question and fires. “If you could trade places with anyone in the world, who would it be, and why?”

Suddenly, for the first time in my life, and for the first time since then I had absolutely NOTHING to say. In a cheap effort to buy time, I half repeated the question, “Anyone in the world?” To which the emcee echoed “Anyone in the world.” We repeated this witty banter about six times... no exaggeration, as I futilely racked my brain for an answer.

I share this little story because I have replayed this moment a million times in my head. The answers I’ve come up with over the years are witty, clever, profound and totally unlike what I actually said.

Watching Miss California being excoriated all over national television these past few days makes me cringe. Suddenly it’s asserted that winners of beauty pageants actually represent a constituency. Having been a winner of a pageant or two, I’m 100% sure that no one in the entire city felt I represented their personal interests as I performed ribbon cutting duties, or pie eating contest officiation. Yet here is poor Miss California, in the quintessential American sport of superficial competition, answering a controversial question in a complete, coherent sentence - and losing.

I thought that was all we expected from these girls. I’ve never been aware the content of their answer was actually considered. Mostly we just want to see if the knockout in the bikini sounds as good as she looks. The audience has never really cared if we agree with her, or believe her platform will actually accomplish what she proffers. Yeah, we all want world peace, or to save tsunami victims, or cure cancer, and if she can string together half accurate syntax she gets our vote.

My answer that night lost me the competition. As I ping-ponged the question back and forth with the emcee I finally blurted out that I’ve always wanted to dance like Mikhail Baryshnikov, so I would trade places with him. The emcee looked sadly at me as I stumbled off the stage in defeat, knowing I had just said something incredibly stupid.

Miss California, on the other hand seems to have left the stage with her head held high. In her question that night, she was given a softball, that was actually a curveball. Apparently exercising free speech is not part of the competition.