Aselin

Curse photo radar. The only thing this system is good for is to slow the rest of you down so I can weave in and out of traffic easier.

Heading out of town for spring break, I was nabbed. It’s such a racket, clearly designed to catch people who have a seven hour drive ahead of them and don’t want to drive 55. I was two miles over the “allowable” speed. (Meaning, not the posted speed.)

The big problem with photo radar is it removes the interpersonal exchange with law enforcement that I’ve depended on for years. During soccer season I was driving the Prius down Val Vista road blissfully enjoying and NPR interview with a Brazilian opera singer when BAM! I see the lights in the mirror. Now, in my defense, these electric cars are deceptive. They make no noise, they drive extremely smoothly - sort of like a silent zamboni.

So I pull over, very aware of my teenage daughter in the front seat. I haven’t been pulled over too many times, but I confess strategically I’ve flashed the pearly whites and given a hair flip or two with the hope that the officer would have pity on me. My mind is racing on how appropriate a little flirting will be when I have a witness.

As the officer is preparing to exit the vehicle, I check my teeth in the mirror, opt not to put on lip gloss and curse that I was caught. I turn down the radio, gather my license and registration and with my doe eyes look up at the officer coming into view over my left shoulder. Crap. It’s a girl cop.

Well this changes everything. Everyone knows girl cops are mean to other girls. They are a scary breed who have a chip on their shoulder and have it out for humanity. They relish wielding power over us lesser beings and have no compassion, or pulse.

We go through the standard questioning and she takes my paperwork back to her car. Luckily I don’t have any outstanding warrants anymore, so as long as I stay in my vehicle there is little chance I’ll be arrested today.

In my side mirror I see her returning. The whole time my daughter is firing questions at me on what I did wrong, how much will my ticket cost, have I ever gotten a ticket before... blah blah blah. I’m confronted with the challenge of being a responsible parent and using this as a teaching moment or giving her answers that I wish were truthful.

So officer fancy pants returns and I brace for the worst. She extends her clipboard to me, where from sad experience I know I must sign. I’m baffled as the only thing on the board is my license and registration. With a winsome smile she reminds me I have precious cargo and I need to slow down to make sure that cargo gets to her game in one piece. Then with a wave to my daughter she wishes her good luck, both of us a nice day and departs.

I’m totally confused. The paradigm of my entire universe has just unraveled. What is this world coming to?

Oh, yeah, the Karma of the Law. I’m licking the envelope to send in the photo radar ticket. I know why I didn’t get out of this one... It didn’t capture my good side.