Aselin

Last week I saw an image that rocked me to the core. A photo of Kathy Ireland having put on quite a bit of tummy. My heart ached for her. Life certainly gets in the way of image.

We know Kathy as an image, an icon. Years ago, before any of you knew her, I knew her. Not as a close friend, but as a colleague. She was funny and professional. Hard working, and a little shy.

When I saw this photo I realized how we see Kathy has become collective property. I’m not sure what it would be like to feel compelled to call a magazine and share an unflattering photo, especially when you make a living producing flattering photos - and lamps.

Studying the photo I was keenly aware at how deeply I want to be seen in a positive light. I don’t want the ugly photos shown of me - and there are a lot. I’m not near as secure of myself as Kathy is. I admire her for it.

I also realized how completely impossible it is for us to objectively see ourselves. For some reason part of me will always be the skinny ninth grader football players Sean Lopez and Casey Cansler would hoist over their shoulders when they passed me in the school hallways. Often depositing me in the trash can. Their antics bruised not only my ribs, but my ego as well.

In my mind part of me will always be the girl who got spit on, teased and hazed in a way that provides great material for future posts. The girl who carried a heavy chunk of awkward around like some sort of badge.

Interestingly enough, there came a day when I sang cum-bay-yah with my self image and released my adolescent obsession with how others saw me, and made peace with how I saw me. When I quit looking at these experiences as evidence of my inadequacy and held them as stepping stones for my maturity.

I suppose Kathy got there too.

And in fairness...here's one of my favorites, hair courtesy of my kids...