Aselin

I’ve never been known for my fashion sense. In fourth grade I wore a mini skirt on the first day of my new school, only to have to sit on the floor for the most of the day. Most fourth graders don’t have the social skills to physically navigate such a challenge. I was a gangly disaster. Kids mercilessly commented on my choice of underwear. I deserved it, but I haven’t recovered. It was my last mini skirt.

In junior high I begged for the uber stylish leg warmers we wore over our jeans, since it was arctic cold in Southern California. An hallelujah chorus swelled on Christmas morning I opened the blessed pair. They were booger green. Apparently my parents hated me. I was faced with the dilemma of being the only girl at Matilija Junior High not wearing leg warmers or being the only girl who looked like she waded through a puddle left by an elephant with a sinus infection. Trust me, it was a lose-lose situation.

In high school I didn’t have the budget or skill to be in fashion. The cool kids, well, actually everyone, was wearing polo shirts and button fly Levis. There was a definite preppy uniform. I was still wearing the leg warmers. I did wear a skirt once, only to kick at an errant soccer ball rolling my way and rip the seam up to my navel. Leg warmers don’t help in that situation, and again I had come full circle as kids were again commenting on my underwear. No, I was not on the Homecoming Queen ticket.

I’m a huge fan of Garanimals - the children’s label where you match the tiger tag to the tiger tag and voila! Your shirt and pants match. They should be made for adults. It would help both of the grown-up Maloney’s immensely.

That being said, I’m completely inspired by our new first lady. As I watched her and her husband sparkle from ball to ball I realized, I may actually have fashion sense. Her gown appeared to me a knock-off of a gown I crafted a few years ago at a bridal shower using toilet paper. Tomorrow may be the dawn of a new fashion day for me as I’ve gathered duct tape, a collection of re-use gift tissue paper and macaroni.

I’m trying to get the dog to stay still since I can’t find a mannequin...