Aselin

I've been practicing yoga for about twelve years. It's been a huge part of my life and well being. As I've chronicled here before, I've had a number of teachers ranging from the ridiculous to the sublime. I've had a very comfortable role as a student in the back of the class.

Then somehow, one day, my teacher couldn't make class. My ability to be discreet, to camouflage myself was put to the test and I failed miserably.

This morning I found myself, as a substitute teacher, leading our little yoga flock. Talk about nerves! All that relaxation, deep breathing crap they espouse to the students bears NO influence on an unqualified teacher. During the sun salutation rounds I found myself light-headed as I told everyone else when to inhale and exhale. I just needed a paper bag for my frenetic hyperventilation. While I did not pass out, I did come dangerously close to starring in someone else's blog post.

Knowing my tiny brain was going to have a hard time keeping up with the rest of me, I pulled a Palin: writing some of the routine on my hand. I must admit, whether trying to remember the definition of basic foreign policy or whether pigeon pose comes after reverse warrior, it is an excellent strategy.

I am smarter than I look, and knew not to attempt any of the "wind" inducing postures that often cause me to clench my cheeks to maintain public discretion. I learn from the mistakes of others, and let's face it, I was only a sub.

Finally, it was time for the final relaxation. Getting the entire class on their backs looking at the ceiling promised to be my favorite part of the experience. As I led the guinea pigs, I mean students, through their relaxation I suddenly had a panicked thought: while no one could see me in this position, I couldn't see the clock. Needing to end on time, I kept lifting my head and one-eye peeking to see if five minutes had passed. Thirty seconds, forty-five seconds, one and a half minutes... I was like a kid waiting for school to let out. The sad part is I ruined my entire relaxation time.

When the final Namaste's were exchanged I finally could relax and exhale.