Aselin

Recently a news item hit our papers, a ruling is iminent in the toothless-carp pedicure case. Yes, you read that right. Apparently in my glamorous locale, a salon has instituted toothless-carp pedicures where the slimy buggers will gum away dead skin and callouses from patron's feet.

Let me just give you a moment to stop the dry heaving.

OK, nasty as I find the whole idea of carp sucking on my feet (shudder), I cannot fathom how we have gotten to this point as a society. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know there are all sorts of plausible arugments about the expectations of cleanliness at a salon, the duty of the proprietor to maintain hygenic standards blah blah blah. Look, if you're stupid enough to want to put your feet in a poopy carp-filled vat and have them gnaw on your tootsies - and then to pay for the whole experience, you should be allowed to do just that. The notion that government needs to protect us from everything has gotten so far out of hand that dockets are being filled with this nonsense.

Here's a case that's perfect for Judge Judy, the capitalist's solution to judicial insanity. I think every municipality should have a public arbiter of nonsense. Someone who would triage recently filed cases, pick the stupidist ones for their docket and then broadcast the whole sordid scene over the web. I would pay a dollar to see that.

I truly can't understand how we have evolved into a society that tries desperately to protect it's citizenry from EVERYTHING, yet judicially forwards the annual Darwin Award e-mail that floats around to everyone in our address books. Look, it's not the government's job to protect us from fish. Foreign invasion - they're on it, but callous-eating fish? Let's focus people.