Aselin

We were fortunate enough to celebrate Spring Break last week. After years of traveling out of Arizona during what is arguably the best week of weather we get, we decided to stay put. There were a tremendous number of upsides to this plan. No travel, no packing, no dog sitting arrangements...I must say, it was a great decision.

It did have it's moments though. Feeling somewhat obligated to help entertain my kids, I agreed to activities I might otherwise avoid. A neighbor called and wanted to go to the roller skating rink. Seeing it was St. Patrick's Day, and if one wore green they were admitted for 99 cents, I figured, what the heck.

Let's just say, OH MY HECK!!!

Standing in line at the small city skating arena, an inordinate number of extremely overweight people surrounded me. While this might not cause any adverse reaction on a good day, every single one of them were clad in kelly green and surrounded by their leprechaun spawn. This adventure had Twilight Zone written all over it.

My kids, on the other hand, were in heaven. As we entered the rarely cleaned, roller disco inferno they could barely contain their enthusiasm as they laced up their oddly-smelling, well-used roller apparati. At first I was telling myself to take deep breaths, but quickly abandoned that plan as the aroma of Lysol, sweat and cheap cheese pizza blended into a nauseating bouquet.

I don't do crowds well. For some reason it seems everyone wants to lean against me, spill on me or as I had the good fortune during this outing, loose their footing on skates and fall grabbing on to my leg. Yep. Good times.

Once the kids were laced up and set free I settled myself at a frighteningly sticky table, ready to converse with my friend.

Over the lovely repetitive strains of My Sherona, the top-of-our-lungs conversation went something like this:

"The kids look like they're having fun!"

"No, I don't think we're quite done."

"Would you like me to get some food?"

"Yes that lady does have an attitude."

You get the drift. After about a minute of this futility, I settled in to people watch. There is something special about the time-warped patrons the roller rink attracts. A sinewy woman in her 70's had staked out the center of the floor and was doing all sorts of roller boogie tricks.

Deftly weaving in and out of the green-clad novices was a portly fellow, in too-short, too-tight attire he once wore in high school. I have to hand it to him, if you're gonna wear that get-up, complete with knee-high socks, you sure as heck better be able to skate. He could skate. So my gaze vascilated between amusement and fascination as I muttered to my self, "look away, look away..." but never did.

That Wednesday night, in the city named "Most Boring in Arizona" we shut down the Skateland. My personal leprechauns moonwalked to the minivan begging for a return visit.

Yeah, maybe they have an April Fool's special...