Aselin

Education is a big deal in our home. From the early selection of teaching methods: Saxon? Spalding? Montessori? Preschool? Charter school? Music? Foreign languages? Our kids have been exposed and instructed in a number of core concepts.

As a stay-at-home mom I worked tirelessly to prepare my kids to enter the educational system. Unnamed child #1 was singing in Spanish before she started Kindergarten. All three children were reading at three. One kid took physics in 6th grade. The curriculum was identical to my college physics syllabus. All play string instruments and piano. Unnamed child #2 and #3 are taking Mandarin Chinese AND Spanish at school. We are a colony of geeks living under one roof.

Last week I had to take Unnamed Child #1 to the doctor. Sitting in the waiting room, I was amazed at the spectrum of humanity. There were fellow geeks, with their kids in school uniforms (I gave them a mental high-five) all the way down to a frightening woman stuffed so tightly into a pair of spandex tights that the seams could barely contain her corpulence. We not only shielded our eyes from the 'not-left-to-our-imagination' view, but we hid behind our magazines for protection from potential popping projectiles.

Unnamed child #1 asked if they could fill out all the forms. Sure! Besides the beard-growingly long wait in the waiting room, filling out the forms is the most tedious part of the whole experience. As I'm supervising the process, I'm impressed; the kid does really, really well. I have clearly raised self-sufficient, intelligent people who will leave the nest and contribute to society. As I'm picturing the kid on a platform being awarded the Rhodes scholarship I'm jolted back to reality by: "Mom, how do you spell 'knee'?"

I look incredulously at the kid, who is sheepishly grinning back.

"You mean the 'knee' from 'Head-Shoulders-Knees-and-Toes? That knee?"

The crouching kids winces, "Yessss," as an older couple to our left snickers a little. Now I know, normally it would be cruel to laugh at a child, but this child thinks they're getting a driver's license pretty soon so they deserved the public humiliation.

"K-N-E-E."

"Oh, yeaaaaah" as if they were testing me rather than filling in their own mental void.

I roll my eyes and go back to my People magazine, the guilty pleasure of the doctor's office.

Moments later the same kid says, "Mom, your phone doesn't work!!!" I lean over to see what's going on, since it worked when we entered the office. "Look, I keep trying to text my friend that I'm at the doctor and it won't let me put in the word 'doctor'. See? D-O-C-T-E... E...E see it won't let me put in the "E."

Good grief. I've spawned a ding-a-ling. I share with her the correct spelling, to which we both get a good snorting chuckle. Maybe my hopes for their surgical career should be notched down a bit. I wonder if they know how to spell "surgeon"?

I wonder if Spandex lady knows how to spell doctor?