Aselin

My husband's company sells all things dental. Being a huge supporter of dental hygiene, I consider this a very noble profession.

Last week he bought home a new product being sold for dogs. Doggie breath freshener. Two drops on each back molar and voila! Fido transforms to an Orbit commercial. My dog definitely needs this product. Usually his breath smells like a cross between a dead animal and body odor. I suppose this makes sense since he is a being that licks all sorts of unmentionable places, but still, who wants to live with such breath.

So next to his dish the sample of Gag-B-Gone sits. (No, that's not the real name). Of course, I'm busy with other important activities, like managing my Facebook farm, and forget to apply it to the putrescence emanating from his face.

Last night, while spending time together as a family, an unnamed child discovers the Gag-B-Gone, becomes fascinated with it's blue glow and starts asking Daddy questions. "What's this made of? What does it taste like? Can I try it? If i use this can I quit brushing my teeth?"

I understand the curiosity, I mean what pet owner, especially the child variety, hasn't tried a nugget of kibble, a pinch of bird seed or a nibble of dog biscuit. Usually, the sampling is less than appetizing and that ends the curiosity. Fine, but hubby absently starts responding. "It's breath freshener for dogs. It's not FDA approved for people. Sure you can try it. I don't know what it tastes like, why don't you tell me."

I'm over in the corner screaming at the two of them. DO NOT EAT DOG BREATH FRESHENER! STOP SAYING IT'S OK TO EAT DOG BREATH FRESHENER!!!

As usual no one is listening. Now, the lack of FDA approval really has no bearing on the aversion I have to this foray. I mean, Twinkies meet FDA approval. I do however have an issue with ingesting something made especially for dogs. Dog breath is completely unlike most human breath. OK, as I write that I realize there are a myriad of exceptions so let me qualify. Our dog's breath is completely unlike any of our family's human breath. We've all had bad breath, but our bad and his bad are polar opposites.

Underscoring my point, to my knowledge, no one in our family has ever licked their bum.

So of course, what happens? Said child samples breath freshener claws at their tongue in revision, and then circles the room making everyone smell their breath. Good grief, someone get us some better Sunday night entertainment. I do not inhale on principle, but everyone else, including the dog concurs, that it wasn't minty fresh. I believe the aroma was more like meat.

The great thing is hubby has convinced this child that they should use this product daily, which will likely prevent any dating for a few years. They will be popular with the puppies. I do believe in our culture, the aroma of raw meat is a turn off. In canine culture, well, that's a different story.