Aselin

I've started a Spanish class this week. Having wasted away in online classes, I'm a huge fan of the teacher-student interaction. The last Spanish class I took was over 20 years ago. Yes, I got an A, but cerebral atrophy is a powerful force, so I was very nervous the first day of class.

When I registered for classes I had to conduct some business on campus. The loitering student population scared the bijeezuz out of me. (I don't know what bijeezuz are but I could tell when they were gone.) The campus was littered with all sorts of packs of scary looking kids. I understand that I run with a rather protected segment of the population, but I was scared I was going to be knifed on my way to the bookstore.

After checking out, I actually stood at the window planning my route across campus, the long way, back to the safety of my car. I thought there was little chance someone was going to carjack a minivan... then I was scared I had that thought. I placed one key from my key ring between each of my fingers and ran in the 113 degree heat across the parking lot. Scary people and an overactive imagination are not a good mix.

My first day, I arrived early to class. With the business of school underway, there was less loitering. There were still scary people I had to navigate, now they were lost and scary.

One by one students filed into our classroom. Most of them seemed non-threatening. The professor had our class create a giant U formation so we could all converse together. He had a buzzer he had pulled from a Taboo game and when you made a mistake he buzzed you over, and over and over until you got it right. After being buzzed a ridiculous number of times, I was starting to wonder if I could compete in this class.

Then he broke us into pairs. My partner makes his way over from the other side of the room. The beanie cap, black dagger earrings, low-rider pants with plaid underwear showing made for am impressive sight. As we worked through the assignment, this kid was delightful. You mostly can't judge a book by it's cover. But I wonder what people are trying to communicate with their fashion choices.

Well, some people I don't wonder at all. Next to my partner was seated one of the girls in the class. I never looked at her face. Despite the fact that I am completely heterosexual, I could not take my eyes off her cleavage. I'm not sure you could show more cleavage. Who puts that kind of outfit on in the morning and says "This is perfect for school?" Well, obviously this girl. I dared my partner to throw something in... he couldn't quit laughing, and being a boy, he had noticed her wares long before I did.

So I think she must be an anomaly. I was wrong. Three girls in our little class have barely covered their nipples. Good grief ladies. At school? Really?

One girl walks up to turn in a paper. She has less clothes on than off. Micro mini, plunging neckline, spaghetti straps - I've seen more clothing at the beach. As the professor is talking to her he leans on his buzzer.

My side of the room gets the giggles - she deserved to be buzzed. With all the different fashion expressions and statements they're trying to make, I wonder if I should bring a buzzer just to make it safely to my classes each day.

I'd feel like one of the judges on a reality show - buzzing people who didn't make the cut. It could be fun. Too short of skirt - AAAAAAA Ugly baggy pants - AAAAAA Gangsta bandana - AAAAAAA.

Suddenly I hear the real buzzer - AAAAAAA- while daydreaming I had missed the question and I was the one getting buzzed.

Clearly it will be a challenge for me to keep up.