Aselin

Something is wrong with me. (At least try and look surprised.) I’m pretty sure I have both X chromosomes, and that I’m a true bona fide girl. But there is something not right deep in my female soul. I don’t like shopping. Not even a little bit. I think there are too many choices, everything costs too much, I don’t look that great in most of it. I only endure the process because despite our social movement toward total immorality we still frown on public nudity. I’ve tried very hard to bring back the 3’s Company Mrs. Roper caftain, to no avail.

So I’m watching this new shopping movie with my kid thinking - everything in the main character’s life is a waste. Waste of time, waste of money, waste of talent. The message at the end was nice, but how sad to have to wait until the end. Up until the end the poor girl was desperately trying to fill some empty void with shopping. Here’s where I digress from many of my sisters... I don’t get it.

Anything outside jeans and a white t-shirt and I’m treading on thin ice. I can’t accessorize. I’ve stood at the belt kiosks, jewelry racks and kitch counters looking like I’ve been dropped in the middle of the rainforest with a tribe of cannibals.

I still wear clothes I owned in high school. And, if you’ve read earlier posts, they weren’t in style back then either. I don’t own a single thing that qualifies as a “label”, and this doesn’t bother me in the least. Recently a friend was excited about a recent shopping find. Sharing her blissful news with me, she noticed I had a bit of a blank stare. I confessed I had never heard of the label she was referring to, exposing the secret that I do in fact live under a rock. She no longer invites me shopping.

It’s sad really, to be this different, this weird. People don’t ask my opinion on their outfits. No one ever tries to borrow my stuff. I recently stood in a room with a group of women working industriously together to try and coordinate an outfit. They were like a swarm of ants adding to, taking from; it was a flurry of fashion and the final outcome was spectacular. During the whole event I sat in the corner eating a burrito. I have nothing to contribute.

I’ve tried to get one of my friends to shop for me - we’re about same size and coloring. Multiple times I’ve requested that she just purchase two of everything she buys for herself. She won’t do it. I think she likes that I look silly most of the time. Makes her feel good.

The worst thing about my handicap is I fear, it’s being passed on to my children. Sitting in the kitchen eating my breakfast one morning out comes my eldest - wearing my jeans. Look mom! Oh no... this can’t be good for her.