Aselin

I'm not sure how it happens to me. In my own mind, I think I'm pretty memorable. You may not remember my name, but you'll remember it's weird. You may not remember where you know me from, but my big flashy teeth I inherited from my dad make an impression on people.

Well, I just returned home from taking my sixteenth test at the Mesa Community College testing center. All of these tests have been proctored by the same woman. Every time I go in there, I feel like I'm in that movie "Groundhog Day" where the scenes just repeat themselves over and over.

I walk through the door this morning and one of the other employees recognizes me (we've had one conversation) and says "Hey! You're back!" I give him a high five and smile.

Approaching the proctor lady I feel like I'm in the right place. She looks up at me and says (no kidding):

"What do you want?"

"Um, I'd like to take a proctored test." I slide my student ID toward her.

She takes the ID and says "What kind of test?"

"A proctored test." Because I have been here so many times, I know there is a big drawer where all the proctored tests are kept. Mine will be in there she just has to match the name on my ID with the name on the envelope.

"What's your name?" Sigh. I tell her and she says "I need your ID."

"You have it right there." I state patiently. Last time I was in here I was held up for a good half an hour waiting for clearance to use paper during an essay exam. I don't want to ruffle her feathers, so I use my inside voice.

"What kind of exam again?"

"A Proctored exam."

"Has it been mailed here?"

This would be a reasonable question if she had looked in the "Proctored Exam" drawer, but she hadn't yet. "Yes, I'm sure it's here." I state, in my Mary Poppins voice.

"What's your name?"

"Aselin - it's on the ID you have if that makes it easier."

"What ID?"

"My ID, in your hand."

"What's your student number?"

"It's also on the ID."

"They don't put those on the ID."

"Well, (deep breath), I can show you mine on the front of my ID." I take the card and recite the number to her.

"I've never seen it on and ID before. Hey, Joe! Have you ever seen this before?" She actually gets up, walks away with my ID to show another staffer my student number. Mentally, I'm just trying to maintain my composure, singing 'If you're happy and you know it....' when I realize I'm finishing the song's statements with things like "Kick a hole in the wall" and "Rip the computer monitor off the desk and chuck it through the window." I take a deep, cleansing yoga breath.

My proctor comes back, sits at her desk with my ID in her hand and says... I swear... "Can I help you?"