Aselin

I’m a libertarian on many, many issues. My live and let live philosophy extends to my feelings about homosexuality to religion. It’s OK with me if we don’t agree with each other as long as you’re civil. You should be allowed to practice whatever crazy you like, unless you start infringing on my rights. Then, I’m not so Laissez Faire.

So imagine my joy when, all snuggled in my comfy bed in Idaho, I’m awakened this morning by a rabid yodeler. Not the recreational kind. This psycho had practiced. He had projection skills, pitch modulation into octaves that Pythagorus long ago deemed don’t exist, and stamina. In my book stamina is the worst attribute a yodeler can have.

Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good serenade. I’ve been serenaded from my window a couple of times in my life and quite enjoyed it. The light strumming of a guitar, the quiet waft of a well crafted melody. Yodeling is none of that.

Yodeling is the infomercial pitchman of music. The in your face style that forces your attention even though you desperately want to turn away. It’s a musical car accident.

So this torture goes on longer than decorum should allow. Even water boarding has an end I’m told. I’m in the bathroom trying to fashion a hose out of empty toilet paper tubes and pantyhose so I can end this nonsense once and for all when I hear “Shep! Get in here!”

At this point I’m straddling the bathtub and have filled a couple of mostly empty shampoo bottles with scalding hot water. I was just about to punch out the window screen for launch when Shep was reigned in.

Two things about his recall made me feel better. First, it makes perfect sense in the universe that an unmannered yodeler would be named Shep. This information is extremely helpful to me. The fact that he’s not named Mark, or Scott or Jeff allows me a certain perimeter I can set up. I have friended no one named Shep on Facebook, or in real life. After this morning I believe it will be prudent to continue this policy.

Second, the fact that Shep has a boss is quite comforting to me. I will spend most of today discovering who that boss is, befriending the boss and convincing the boss that Shep should only yodel inside, a padded room, with a sock stuffed in his mouth.

Like I said, live and let live... just don’t mess with me.