Aselin

For the most part I try and mind my own business. I can walk down a busy street and no one will notice me. I like it that way. People who stand out have moved to the extreme, and often seem oblivious to that fact. This is why they annoy me.

Last week while watching a variety show, a self proclaimed “snake charmer” in MC Hammer pants performed his bit. He wasn’t really charming snakes, more like pulling fat boa constrictors out of a small basket and draping them over his body like, well, boas. As he pulled out the final, largest snake from the basket I threw up a little in my mouth.

Snakes don’t bother me. Molting snakes shedding huge scabs of skin all over the stage is completely disgusting. Snake charmer dude seemed not to notice, care, or be remotely concerned that large numbers of the front row were fleeing the area. He wrapped the sloughing animal around his waist and performed a bump and grind dance that caused even the toughest audience member to avert their eyes.

The show would have had the intended impact with the three large non-molting snakes. Leave the poor decorticating animal at home to shed in peace. As he left the stage the remaining flakes fluttered like large leaves, except they were really gross leaves - and he left them there for the upcoming acrobats.



It was distracting, disturbing and made me mentally scream “How can you not notice YOU’RE DISGUSTING?”

Unfortunately, this is tame. There are those that walk among us who truly have no clue. The dad at the soccer field in matching skimpy orange tank top and shorts. Both skin tight. Both too short. Both not enhanced by the rug of body hair matted at the exit sites. Again, I scream. There are children around...

This week I was pushed over the edge. Luckily I was at an adults only resort or would have been forced to call the authorities.

A little groundwork: I get the concept of a Speedo for male competitive swimmers. I do want to point out that the better of them seem to have moved more in the direction of the jumpsuit, much to Scott’s delight, and away from the Speedo brief, but it still has a purpose.

The Speedo does not have a purpose in say, beach volleyball. There’s jumping and diving, and it’s hard to know where to look. It’s less hard to just look away.

So given my small threshold of tolerance for such attire, imagine my delight when I looked up from my book and saw this:



What is wrong with people? Who takes a Speedo and turns it into a thong? Men shouldn’t wear thongs - ask Scott.

The swimsuit is already revealing enough. It's hard to choose the right design for a body. So consider this a public service announcement: Please people of the human race, don't pull your Speedos up your butt cracks anymore!!!