Where the hampster wheel always turns

About Me

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Middle aged underweight high school graduate
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"It is not advisable James to venture unsolicited opinions. You should spare yourself the embarrassing discovery of their exact value to your listener." - Francisco d'Anconia, Atlas Shrugged
"The soundest way to raise revenues in the long run is to cut taxes now." - John F. Kennedy
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Tonight on American Idol one of the judges gushed, “You hit notes I didn’t know even existed.” Quite a compliment. This exact phrase has been said to me. It was used in quite a different context.

Sitting next to my dear friend Claire at the close of a lovely Christmas program we were singing “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day.” I love this song and I sang with gusto. Around the middle of the first verse Claire started to giggle.

Immediately my radar went up. I knew something interesting was going on in the room and I was missing it. Scanning the audience with a fervor I kept trying to find the entertainment. As I caroled, “wild and sweet the words repeat” Claire was doubled over in full gffaw.

What? I whispered a little too loudly. Clearly it was something I didn’t want to miss. “ringing, singing on its way...a voice, a chime, a chant sublime” Claire was losing control and I was getting frantic. Had someone’s false teeth come out? Did someone’s toupee slip? Toilet paper hanging out the back of their pants? Whaaaat? To no avail. Claire could not even speak and I warbled on.

The hymn ended and rather than pondering “peace on earth, goodwill toward men” I was beseeching Claire to let me in on her secret. The closing prayer was offered. My mind spinning with everything but the words of the prayer. Upon the pronouncement of the Amen Claire pushed past me out into the hallway having completely lost all composure.

I caught up with her as she was grabbing the arms of fellow parishioners and saying, “Have you ever heard Aselin sing?” People stared blankly at the crazed Briton. Claire is British and everything she says has an air of musicality. “She doesn’t leave any notes out!” “She sang notes that don’t even exist.”

Well yes, it’s a gift. It hadn’t dawned on me that I was tonight’s comic entertainment.

I have no delusions about my vocal abilities. In fifth grade I was typecast in a local theater production as “Young Louise,” the clutzy, tomboy, off-key singer that grows up to be the stripper “Gypsy Rose Lee.” Critics raved at my ability to capture the nuances of the character at such a young age. Little did they know that my performance was just a celebration of my lack of talent.

There are many among us who can’t sing. But I do believe it is a special talent to be bad enough that you make those around you lose their composure.

It’s a gift.

1 response to "Let Me Entertain You"

  1. Friend, You can sing and do so usually with style, and gusto, That is one of the main reasons we love you, you are undaunted by anything and by golly you have fun doing what you are doing and there is no reason to think that you may not be gifted. I ask myself..is that a bad way to be? answer ...resounding NO. you have to have belief in all that you do, which gives confidence, which gives an aura of positive energy which is refreshing and great to be around, whose to say my hearing was not off??
    Keep singin'
    Claire.. still remember the laughter, worse when you are not supposed to!

    Anonymous

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